06: Back to Work

The rest of the summer was a blurr. I was busy adjusting to getting back into the swing of things. I had to get accustomed to a new school, new colleagues, new students; a whole new way of life really. Teaching in Denver was far different than teaching in New York. Everything was more laid back, especially the people. I adored my new colleagues and my students even more. Everyone had made me feel so welcome even though they liked to make fun of my accent. There were a few younger teachers that I had even made friends with. For the first time in a long time I was feeling relatively normal and looking forward to my future and I had Kyle to thank for it. If I hadn't met him, I really don't know what road I'd be going down right now.

Kyle had been such a breath of fresh air. He was supportive and listened when I needed him to, but never felt sorry for me or contributed to a pity party. Back home everyone's idea of support was to say "Oh poor Ellery, her perfect life is over. Whatever will she do now?" And it was worse to my face. They treated me like I was some sort of porcelain doll - fragile and about to shatter at any moment. Even my closest friends pussy-footed around me and I hated it! Some of them had been torn between Lauren and I and chose her, but the friends I was left with found it difficult to deal with me - not because I wasn't handling the break-up well, but because everything was different. All of us girls had been friends since first grade; we had been through everything together. We couldn't have a conversation without it starting with remember when we... or remember when you and Lauren...and then it would be uncomfortable. Yes, Shawn fucking my best friend destroyed more than my happily ever after; it ruined every lifelong relationship I had outside of family. I eventually just secluded myself from them; I did not want to be the reason that the once unbreakable circle of friends was torn apart. They could have each other; I was done. But after everything that happened I couldn't or wouldn't trust anyone; not a great selling feature when you're trying to make new friends, so I worked and went home - that's it. That was what my life had become.
Kyle changed that for me. He made me realize I could trust people; I trusted him. He also made me remember there were good, decent people in the world and just because I had one horrible experience, I should not let it negatively affect the rest of my life. "Learn from it and move on Bronx. Don't let that douche bag have control over you, if you do, he wins. Is that what you want? Of course not," he answered his own question. "You are too good for that. You are strong and brave and have so much to give to this world so forget him; forget them all! New life, new friends, new you. You moved here, you have me, and you can be anything and anyone you want to be."
And that was my new motto, his wise words I now chose to live my life by.

As September rolled in Kyle amped up his rehab and training in order to be ready for the start of the season. He was exhausted and I was always busy but we made time to see each other every night; usually for dinner - either I cooked or he paid. We had agreed to take turns cooking and when it was his turn we either ordered in or went out.
"Trust me, you do NOT want me cooking for you! It's just better this way," he'd always say.
It was kind of a bizarre relationship that nobody really understood, especially my brothers.
"So you see this guy every day and you're not dating?" Patty asked in one of our nightly conversations.
"No, not dating. Kyle and I are just friends."
"That's not possible. Men and women can not be just friends. It's not not natural."
"Well I'm here to tell you that it can and does happen. Kyle and I are living proof."
"No way I'm not buying it! I think you're bangin' this guy and you're just not telling me."
"Classy Patty, real classy! I'm telling you the truth. Kyle is amazing but I have absolutely no romantic feelings for him nor does he for me. As a matter of fact, he has a beautiful girlfriend and has had for the last two years so again proof two people of the opposite sex CAN be friends."
"Is he gay?"
"Patrick Shaun O'Connor I am not even going to respond to that. I know you may not believe it Patty, but I don't care. I don't expect you to understand the relationship I have with Kyle when I don't understand it myself. I don't really know how to explain it. The first night I met him it was like I'd known him all my life. I've never been this close to anyone except you Patty. I don't know why, but I trust him with my life and I have him to thank for actually giving me back my life. Without him, I'd probably still be wallowing in self pity instead of feeling alive again and looking forward to my future."
Patty let out a big sigh. "Okay, I surrender. This guy must be something else if he's won you over. Maybe I should thank him for giving me my Elly-belly back."
"I will tell him you say thank you."
"I just want you to be happy Elle. That's all I've ever wanted for you and I was afraid after...everything that would never happen."
"I know Patty, and I can honestly say I am happy."


On this particular Tuesday night we were at Kyle's favourite steakhouse for dinner and he was unusually quiet.
"Is something bothering you Kyle, you're awfully quiet?"
"I'm okay, just have alot on my mind."
"Like...?"
"It's nothing, forget it."
"Are you even serious? Kyle, please. Let me be here for you the way you've been here for me."
"Training camp starts next week," he said very matter-of-factly.
"And you're...? Scared? Nervous?"
"Yes. They weren't even sure I'd ever play hockey again."
"And you've worked your ass off to prove them wrong."
"Yeah, but all that work has been just to get back on the ice. What if I can't actually play? It's been a year. What if I've lost it all?"
"Then at least you're healthy."
"You don't get it Elle. Hockey is my life. Has been since I was twelve. If I can't play hockey, I've got nothing."
"That's ridiculous! I'm not trying to make light of your feelings Kyle but really! A little perspective. If you can't play, and that's a BIG if, then you do something else. You have other interests. You have your paddle board company and you've been smart with your money. Maybe you get a job coaching somewhere. And mister, you have your friends and family, and Jenn and me so quit feeling sorry for yourself and worrying about something that probably won't even happen."
"Its not just that, its other things too."
"Like?"
"Well, like us."
"Us?"
"Everything is going to change once the season starts. I'll have practice and rehab and player commitments and there will be road trips and...you've grown on me ya know? And there will be times I'll be gone for days...without seeing you...I haven't gone a day without seeing you since I met you."
My heart sank a little. Okay, alot.
"I hadn't thought of that. I'm used to you just being here...everyday."
There was an awkward silence between us that had never been there before.
"So we make a promise, right here right now. We call, no not just call, we promise to talk everyday no matter what. If it's not before your game, then after. If it's not until you get to your hotel or the next city then so be it, but we will talk every day - no exceptions. Deal?"
"Deal."
We ate the rest of our meal with little conversation. It wasn't until the drive home when Kyle really spoke again.
"Are you busy this weekend?" he asked.
"No I don't think so."
"Will you go away with me? I have a little cabin up in the mountains. I go up before the season to clear my head and have a little r n' r before the craziness starts. Will you come with me - have some quality time before everything changes?"
"Well, I don't know," I chuckled. "How would Jenn feel about you going away for the weekend with another woman?"
It had been a standing joke between us - I was more like his girlfriend in Jenn's absence; one I still didn't really understand.
"Pretty sure she's not going to care," he replied.
"Really? Cause if I was her, I sure wouldn't be thrilled that you asked another girl to go away for the weekend."
"Well she doesn't have a say anymore. We broke up two weeks ago."

05: Bff"s?

I sat up straight as a nail; shocked and...appalled that such an insensitive comment would come out of my new friend's mouth after I had revealed the most intimate and painful part of my life.

I threw the blanket off my shoulders, picked up the now empty bottle of wine from the coffee table and shot daggers at Kyle with my eyes.

"I can not believe you," I said before storming to the kitchen.

"Elle,I don't know..."

"Patty was right," I said shaking my head.

"Okay, now I'm confused. He was right about what?"

"He said that men and women can not be friends. Men are only nice to girls because they want something from them; usually sex, and you are the worst! I pour out the most painful part of my life and you're hitting on me! You are unbelievable! I knew the nice guy thing was just an act. You need to go...now!"

"Whoa whoa whoa, slow down princess! First of all, I am not hitting on you. Secondly, what kind of fucked up house did you grow up in freaking Leave it to Beaver?"

"You have no right to make fun of my family," I hissed.

"No? You spent your whole life washing dishes for your brothers and every man in your life has a warped, very sexist view about women. I'm not making fun Elle, I just don't understand it."

He reached for my hand and after a brief inner battle with myself, I didn't pull it away. He led me back out to the couch where we automatically resumed our previous position. What was it about this guy?

"Not everyone has an ulterior motive Bronx," he said softly. "Some people are what they seem to be; I am one of them. You can't go through life with these walls up and expecting the worst."

"I never used to be this way I swear, I was naively happy and trusting. I always saw the good in everyone and took everyone at their word; unheard of in New York. Call it sheltered or whatever, but I was totally satisfied with the life I was living, but Shawn ruined all that. I wasn't kidding when I said he destroyed me. I can't give my heart to someone like that again. I'm broken."

Kyle kissed the top of my head and gave my shoulder a squeeze.

"I know it feels like that now Elle, because it's still new, but someday you'll meet someone who takes your breath away and you won't want to be alone anymore."

"I'm not alone; I have my family and..." I looked at him hopefully.

"And me," he smiled. "There's no way in hell you're getting rid of me now. We can be...what do they say? Bff's?"

"Yeah sure, bff's," I laughed, "on one condition."

"And what's that?"

"I am completely serious Kyle, no set ups or blind dates or ambushes or anything. I want nothing to do with men, please respect that."

"You got it Bronx, I won't push you, and I certainly don't want you to do anything you're not ready for. I promise."

"Thank you. Now I won't make you leave."

"Gee, how nice of you. So you wanna watch a movie?"

"Do I get to pick?"

"No way! I am not watching one of those old, boring, girly movies. You said you've never seen The Godfather; we are totally watching it! I got it upstairs; be right back."

By the time I was done making popcorn and opening another bottle of wine, Kyle was back and more excited than a kid in a candy store!

"Get ready to witness one of the best movies in the history of cinema!"

************************************************************

I don't remember much of the movie; I don't even remember falling asleep, but we both must have at some point because I woke up when Kyle moved his arm.

"Morning Bronx," he said in that gravelly morning voice.

"Morning. I can't believe we slept like that all night," I said sitting up and stretching.

"I can't either, I normally can't sleep anywhere but in my own bed."

I was puzzled. "Don't you spend like half the season in hotels?"

"Well yeah, but that's different. I'm a totally different animal during the season, and you're usually so exhausted it doesn't matter where you crash."

"Can't wait to meet that Kyle! Do you want some breakfast?"

"Why don't we go to the diner, then you can come to the rink with me?"

"Sounds like huge fun, but I have to go shopping for supplies, school starts next week and I didn't bring that many of my resources."

"That's perfect! I can go with you after my work out and we can grab dinner."

"I'm starting to think that you have an issue with being alone, besides, what would your girlfriend think about you spending this much time with another girl?"

"Trust me, she won't care."

"Well I would certainly care if my boyfriend was spending every waking moment with another girl. Why isn't she here with you?"

"We have a...different kind of relationship. Jenn was here for a while my first year here but she went back to L.A. It wasn't really her thing here."

"But you're here. Isn't that the most important thing?"

"Not everyone has the same family values you do Elle. She has different priorities, she's focusing on her career right now."

"Hmm."

"Hmm? What is that? What does that mean?" he asked excitedly.

"Nothing. I guess I just didn't really picture you with a girl like that."

"Like what?"

"Kyle, you are truly one of the most amazing people I have ever met, and if I had a boyfriend as wonderful as you are, I'd find a career wherever you were. but like you said, not everyones priorities are the same."

"Trust me, being apart is far better than her being miserable here."

"Don't take this the wrong way, but then why are you still together?"

He wrinkled his eyebrows and scrunched up his nose. "That's is a very good question."

New chapter everyone! The other stories will all have updates too...I promise!

04: 20 Questions

"Wow, it smells great in here New York," Kyle said as he walked in to the kitchen holding a bottle of wine.
"Don't you knock? And what's with calling me New York?"
"And the New York attitude too! Yes I knocked but you didn't answer so I came in and in my world we have nick names; everybody has a nick name and I haven't figured out what else to call you yet. You don't like New York?"
"Well...not really."
"Do you have a nick name you want me to call you?"
"Yeah, wait no."
"Which is it?"
"Most people call me Elle. My brothers call me Elly belly and if you ever call me that I will be forced to kill you; but other than that...nope, no nick name."
"BORING! What part of New York are you from?"
"The Bronx."
"Should've known. That will have to do for now until I figure something else out; so what's for dinner?"
"Do you ever finish one thought before moving on to the next?" I laughed. "I have no idea what to make of you."
"The most important thing you need to know is that what you see is what you get. I don't beat around the bush, I don't sugar coat things so I won't hurt your feelings, and I will not lie to you to make you feel good. I tell it like it is and I don't believe in lying; if you don't like it, too bad."
"Well then...shall we eat?"

Dinner passed by with quiet, comfortable conversation; nothing too heavy as Ellery had enough psychoanalysis at breakfast. And the view...her dining room table was in front of those floor to ceiling windows. She honestly felt like she was eating dinner in a postcard.

When they were finished eating Kyle brought the dishes to the kitchen as Ellery started to fill the sink with water.
"The place comes with a dishwasher you know?" Kyle said.
"I know, but I like to do dishes and there's not that many; if I left them in the dishwasher they could be sitting there for a week."
Kyle looked at her with a puzzled look on his face. "Okay, then I'll dry."

Was he even serious? I spent everyday of my life washing dishes and not once; not once did anyone ever offer to help me! It was an unspoken rule in my house that anything to do with the kitchen was 'women's work'. Usually my mother was exhausted from doing the household chores and cooking dinner so the dishes fell on me. I spent my childhood/teenage years watching my brothers hang out with their friends or girlfriends after school while I helped mom finish dinner only for them to scarf down their meals and head right back outside to their friends while I washed, dried, and put away the dishes of seven people. Unfortunately for me the man I chose to fall in love with also subscribed to the same old fashioned views.

"It's okay, I'm used to doing dishes, you don't have to help."
"But I want to so just say thank you and show me where the dish towels are."
"Thanks and third drawer down. Sorry, I'm just not used to someone offering to help."
"Well if you haven't noticed by now, things are different here. You're not in New York anymore Ellery, so let the chip on your shoulder go and enjoy your new atmosphere," Kyle smiled kindly.

With the dishes done, they retired to the living room with their wine.
"So you seem to think you have me all figured out but I know nothing about you except the fact that you play hockey and are quite possibly the nicest guy I've ever met..."
"Ugggh," he cut her off.
"What?"
"Nice? Seriously? Saying a guy is nice is like the kiss of death. That tells him that he has no chance in hell with you."
"But you have a girlfriend."
"So! That doesn't mean that I don't want to think that you think I'm the sexiest guy you've ever met and it's taking every ounce of strength you have not to rip my clothes off and have your way with me!"

Ellery was laughing hysterically by now.
"Sorry Kyle, you're right. You are in fact the sexiest man I have ever met and I don't know how much longer I will be able to refrain from ripping your clothes off. There; satisfied?" she laughed.
"That hurts Bronx. I am deeply wounded."
"Now that I know you do in fact have an ego, tell me more about you."
"I don't have an ego, and I want to know more about you; I must solve this mystery."
"Okay then, we will alternate asking questions about each other and we both have to answer honestly before asking the next question. We go until we run out of things to ask, deal?"
"Why not. I'll even let you go first."

E: Where are you from?
K: Orangeville, Ontario.
E: Bronx, New York obviously.

K: Family?
E: My father Patrick, brothers Danny, Mark, Matty, and Patty all New York City firefighters as are my 13 cousins Shawn, Mike, Rory, Joe, Bobby, Patrick, Luke, John, Jerry, Sam, Shane, and Tommy. I am the only girl born in three generations of my family and the only one not to become a firefighter. My mom's name is Catherine and she is quite literally a saint.
K: Holy shit. Umm I have a younger brother Kevin. He plays hockey too but still in college, my dad's name is Jon and my mom is Carol. I can't believe your ENTIRE family are firefighters!

E: Ah ah ah, no comments only questions and answers. Favourite colour?
K: green
E: orange

K: Favourite food?
E: anything Mexican
K: steak and baked potato

E: Favourite band and song?
K: Metallica; Enter Sandman
E: You are such a guy! I can't pick just one of either but I guess if I had to pick a band it would be Bon Jovi - can't pick a song I have way too many favourites.

K: Favourite movie?
E: Gone With the Wind.
K: The Godfather.

E: 3 things you would take with you if you were stranded on a desert island?
K: My hockey stick, my journal, and my ipod.
E: You have a journal? Umm, my ipod, my books, and a picture of my family.

K: Favourite book?
E: Again, can't pick just one but The Great Gatsby and Gone With the Wind and Eat, Pray, Love.
K: Anything by John Grisham


K: Favourite way to spend a rainy day?
E: In my pjs with a great novel and a glass of wine or curled up under a blanket watching a classic movie.
K: You really like the old stuff huh? Sleeping or writing in my journal.

E: Favourite thing to do on a date?
K: Anything outdoors; bike ride or skiing.
E: Used to be a carriage ride through Central Park or skating at Rockerfeller Centre; now I don't know what it would be; a hike in the mountains?

K: Favourite word?
E: Ridiculous or rutabaga.
K: Shameful.

E: Article of clothing you could not live without?
K: Skates.
E: That's not clothing. The wool sweater my grandmother knit for me.

K: What do you do for a living?
E: Teach second grade.
K: Wow, you're a teacher? I never would have guessed. Mine's obvious.

E: What would you be doing if you didn't have your current job?
K: Probably something to do with sports; a physiotherapist or something.
E: Fashion designer or writer.
K: Well aren't you full of surprises?

K: How did you see your life turning out when you were a kid?
E: I always thought I'd be a teacher and when I got married I'd have six kids and stay home with them.
K: Old fashioned but okay. I always knew I'd play hockey.
E: And?
K: And...I do.
E: What about a family?
K: I guess. Never really thought about it much. I guess I'll probably settle down at some point.

E: How long have you been with your girlfriend and what's her name?
K: Almost 2 years and Jennifer.
E: Where did you meet?
K: Oh no! We seem to be getting away from the rules of the game. Your turn to answer.
E: I don't have a girlfriend.
K: Very funny. Boyfriend?
E: Nope.

Kyle noticed the expression on Ellery's face change and he knew it was now or never.

K: When did you break up?

Ellery was silent. She started to shake just thinking about rehashing her past with a virtual stranger. But he wasn't; not really. Though they'd only known each other for a mere 24 hours she felt more comfortable and safe with Kyle than she had with anyone else in her life; including her brothers.

E: Shawn. His name was Shawn and he was the love of my life, my best friend and my fiancee. We broke up six months ago; the night before our wedding.
The tears started falling without Ellery even noticing; and although it was a warm August evening, she was trembling. Kyle took the blanket of the back of the couch and wrapped it around her shoulders leaving his arm there as well. He hoped that would urge her to continue.
Taking his cue, she snuggled in against his side and let it all out.

E: 9/11 hit us all pretty hard. None of the boys took it well; they all lost brothers. None of them were the same ever again. Shawn wouldn't let anyone help him deal, he just shut everyone out, including me. He started drinking...alot, he even got suspended from duty. But I stayed with him and did whatever I could to help him; I was there when he called anytime night or day, I took a leave of absence from work to care for him and be with him any way I could. He mostly wanted me beside him, silent; that's the way he wanted it; except when it came to our...love life. He'd changed. There was nothing romantic about it; he became rough, almost violent. One night he hurt me so badly I was bruised and crying and it was like a light bulb switched on. He stopped immediately and didn't lay another hand on me. Two weeks later he was back to his old self and he asked me to marry him in front of my entire family. It was perfect; life was perfect again, I had my old Shawn back, I went back to work and we were planning our wedding. We had agreed not to sleep together again until our wedding night; I thought it was partly because of tradition and partly because of what had happened. The night of the rehearsal dinner, I caught him fucking my best friend/maid of honour in the public washroom and found out it had been going on for a year. I called off the wedding and that was that. My brothers took care of Shawn so much so that he had to transfer to a station in Jersey. I finished out the school year and then packed up and moved here. The concert last night was because I found some old pictures while unpacking and I realized that exactly six months ago at that time I would have been married and celebrating at my reception but instead I was all alone in a strange city. Then you banged on my door and the rest is history.

Kyle was a little surprised by Ellery's revelations. He had suspected a bad break up, but nothing quite like she'd just shared with him.

K: Ellery, I am sooooo sorry, I didn't know...
E: Don't! Don't do that! That's exactly why I didn't want to talk about it. I am so sick of everybody giving me that look of pity. I don't want your pity! I don't deserve to be pitied, it's my own fault. I should have known something was up.

K: What he did was NOT your fault! He was the asshole Elle; he hurt you; he made those choices; it is NOT YOUR FAULT!

Kyle wrapped her in a hug and hoped that his words had gotten through to her. She would never admit it; at least not yet but, she in fact felt like a huge burden had been lifted from her shoulders just by letting it out to someone who wasn't her family.

"So there you have it Dr. Phil, that's me in a nutshell," she chuckled. "The only man I ever loved broke my heart and ruined me for all other men. I will never fall in love again. What do you have to say about that?"

He pulled her in close to him and kissed her forehead and said "I'm fresh out of Dr. Phil-isms but I say it's really too bad you feel that way because I think I know the perfect guy for you."

03: Breakfast or therapy?

So, I don't know if there's anyone out there reading this, but if there is, let me know what you think. I'd like to know if it's worth my time to write it or not.
Cheers!
~B~






"Good morning New York."
"Ugh, what's so good about it?"
"Not a morning person huh?"
"I am actually," I replied locking my apartment door, "just not today."
"Drank too much last night eh?"
"You could say that. So where are we going anyway?"
"Depends. You hungry or just want coffee?"
"I could eat."
"Great! I know just the place."

We drove in virtual silence; the radio humming quietly in the background. t wasn't an awkward silence; like last night I just felt a sense of comfort around Kyle. I took the opportunity to gaze out the window and take in the beautiful scenery all around me. A few minutes later we pulled up to this diner that was straight out of the 50's.
"Rosie's Diner?" I asked hesitantly.
"Best coffee and best breakfast in town...I promise."

We walked in and I swear just about everyone in the diner yelled "Quince!" It was like walking into Cheers and everyone yelling "Norm!"
"Come here often?" I asked.
"Something like that," he chuckled as he gave a generic wave to the patrons in the diner.
We took a booth in the far corner of the restaurant and the waitress brought over a single menu and placed it on the table in front of me.
"Mornin' Kyle," the cute little waitress purred. "You're out and about bright and early this morning," she continued while shooting me an evil glare.
"You know me Marissa; I like to get an early start."
"Oh I know you alright! You gonna have your regular this morning?"
"Yes please."
"And for you," she asked in a much harsher tone.
"Umm...I don't know..."
"I recommend the french toast or the Denver omelet," Kyle suggested.
"Sure, I'll go with the omelet."
"Great," she said a touch sarcastically. "I'll be right back with your coffee," she grinned and winked at Kyle.

"Wow! That wasn't very obvious," I said.
"What?"
"Seriously? She was blatantly flirting with you and not very happy that I'm here with you. She was down right rude to me!"
"Marissa is harmless. She has a little crush on me that's all. She's just a kid."
"Kyle, I don't think..."
"Here's your coffee, two milk on the side, no sugar. Are you having coffee mame?"
I despised it when people called me mame and cringed at the word.
"Yes please."
"Cream or sugar?"
"No thank you."
She filled our mugs and left.
"Black eh? Makes sense."
"What does that mean?"
"Nothing. Just that you drink black coffee so people will think your tough because for some reason you're trying to hide a sensitive side, that's all."
"Wow, thanks for the analysis Dr. Phil. I thought we were having breakfast not a therapy session."
"Depends. Maybe you need a therapy session?"
"Why would you even say that?" I asked getting very annoyed.
"Just an observation. It's kind of a habit. I like watching people and trying to figure them out. You are kind of like...an open book."
"Oh really? I can't wait to hear this! So tell me Dr. Quincey, what do you think you know about me?"
"Okay, but you can't get mad. I don't judge I just observe and report, deal?"
"Sure, why the hell not."
"Okay, like I said, you have a tough exterior, probably because you had to growing up. You don't let anyone see your sensitive side unless you feel completely comfortable around them, which I'm guessing is reserved for your family. You are very cautious around people, especially new people, and you really make them earn your trust; even then you have a hard time trusting people. You moved out here because you're running from something or someone, and judging from the horrific, man hating concert last night it's a boyfriend or ex boyfriend now. Whatever happened was intense enough to make you up and move half way across the country to get away from him. How'd I do?"

I stared at him in utter disbelief. How did this guy that I met less than 12 hours ago, know so much about me? And why was I our with a guy I haven't even known for 12 hours?
As I opened my mouth to speak my phone rang. I looked to see who it was and saw that it was Patty.
"Sorry," I said, "I have to take this." I excused myself and went outside.
"Hey Patty, what's up?"
"Just seeing how your first night went. So...?"
"Umm, shaky start but ended up...nice."
"Nice? You don't use the word nice. What the hell's going on?"
"Nothing. Look, this isn't a good time, I'm about to have breakfast so can I call you back later?"
"I'm sure your bowl of honey nut cheerios will wait, I want to know what you're trying to hide from me."
"I'm not having cheerios. I'm at a restaurant and I have to go."
"You don't go out to eat by yourself, you always say you feel sorry for people who have to eat alone and you don't want anyone to feel sorry for you."
"Patty, we'll talk later, I gotta..."
"OH MY GOD! Who are you having breakfast with?"
"No one."
"It's a guy isn't it? You haven't even been there a whole day yet!"
"It's not like that. He's my neighbour and he's just showing me where to get a good cup of coffee."
"Bullshit!He wants you. If he was just being nice he would have just given you directions; if he takes you himself he wants something. Be careful Elly belly; you're not exactly in a good mindset right now."
"Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence. I'll call you later," I snapped.

When I got back to the table our food was there and Kyle had waited for me to get back before staring to eat. 'That's kind of gentlemanly' I thought.

"Family checking up on you eh?"
"Okay, seriously. How do you do that?" I asked placing my napkin on my lap.
"I told you, I just know people."
"Not good enough. I want to know what you see that made you think my family is checking up on me."
"When you came back in you were visibly flustered, almost frustrated. From experience, usually only family can get under your skin that fast."
I didn't respond, just began eating.
"Oh my god! This is the best omelet I've ever had!"
"Told ya."
"So, you think you know so much about me, tell me something about you."
Just as the words left my mouth a young boy approached our table with something in his hand.
"Umm...excuse me Mr. Quincey, I'm sorry to bother you but could I have your autograph?" the boy asked shyly.
AUTOGRAPH? Why is this kid asking for Kyle's autograph?
"Sure bud. There you go," Kyle said handing the boy back his hat. He didn't say anything; just went back to eating. Eventually he noticed I was just staring at him.
"What?" he asked between bites.
"So, you walk in here and everyone greets you like you're Norm from Cheers, the waitress is practically throwing herself at you, people keep looking at us like they're spying on us, and now a kid asks for your autograph. Who the hell are you?" I said a little louder than I intended.
"I'm Kyle, you're Ellery and we..."
"Don't be coy with me please. Why is some kid asking for your autograph?"
"Do you like hockey?"
"Answer the damn question!"
"I am. Do you like hockey?"
"Not really why?"
"Well have you ever watched hockey, or been to a game?"
"No."
"Would you want to; go to a game I mean?"
"I'm confused. What does that have to do with a kid asking you for your autograph?"
"Have you heard of the Avalanche?"
"Yes of course I've heard of an avalanche!"
"Not an avalanche," he laughed. "The Avalanche. The Colorado Avalanche; you know, the hockey team?"
"Uh...yeah...I...guess...so?"
"I play for them."
"You're...a...hockey...player?"
I couldn't really wrap my brain around what he was telling me. A hockey player? Like, aren't they kind of famous?
"So...you play hockey? For a living?"
"Yes."
"So then...you're kind of...famous?"
"I really don't like that word, and it's not completely accurate. Famous people are known everywhere; I'm more well known, but mostly just around the cities I've played in."
"Oh. Why didn't you tell me?"
"It's not something I generally lead with...hey I'm Kyle and I play in the NHL. That's a little pompous. Not my style."
"Good to know."
"Being totally honest, it's hard to know if people want to be your friend because they actually like you or because of who you are and what you might be able to do for them, so if someone; like you for example, doesn't know who I am, I don't tell them right away."
"That must be tough."
"It's comes with the territory," he shrugged.
"Still. I kind of know how that feels. My whole life, I never knew if girls were trying to be friends with me for me or if they were trying to get close to my brothers."
"So you have brothers eh?"
"Mmm hmm four. All older."
"Baby of the family; I should have known."
"I'm surprised you didn't, don't you have me all figured out already?" I grinned.
"Touché."
"So do you have plans for the day or do you want to come to the rink with me?"
"I really should finish unpacking, I hate leaving things unfinished."
"Okay so how 'bout this; I'll take you home so you can finish unpacking, I'll go to practice I'll come by your place later and I'll let you cook me dinner?"
I suddenly got a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach.
"Too presumptuous?"
"No...umm...too...I mean it kind of sounds like a...like a date and I...I can't..."
Kyle placed his hand gently on top of mine and that sense of comfort seemed to envelope my entire body.
"I know you are not in that place right now," he assured. "Besides, I have a girlfriend; I'm just being neighbourly. I thought you might need a friend out here."
"Well seeing as how I don't know a soul out here and you have been nice enough to share where to get good coffee from...why not! What would you like for dinner?"
"I'm easy. I'm sure whatever you make will be delicious."
"What makes you think I can cook?"
"Just a hunch."
"Can I ask a favour?"
"Can you PLEASE leave Dr. Phil at home?"
"I'll try, but I do love a good puzzle, and you my dear, have many hidden pieces to uncover."

02: Neighbours

I woke up the next morning feeling refreshed. It was the first night I'd slept through without having nightmares in six months. I'd been in Denver less than 24 hours and it's already done more for me than anything I had back home.
I wandered out into the living room and stood in awe looking out at the mountains.
'People really have no idea how lucky they are to wake up to this,' I thought to myself. I turned around only to find the huge mess of boxes that I had left last night waiting for me.
"Where to start?" I asked out loud.
"Bedroom." Great! Not only was I talking to myself, but now I was answering myself too!

Six hours later I had the bedroom, master bath, guest bath, kitchen, guest room, and office unpacked; all I had left was the living room. The hardest part about that was finding homes for my extensive book, dvd, and music collection. Most people thought it was ridiculous that I still collected vinyl records but I was a sucker for old school, timeless music; a shared love I had with my father.

I found some take out menus the real estate agent had left for me and decided on Mexican. I had serious doubts that anything here could measure up to the amazing food we had in New York, but thought I'd give it a try anyway.

With my food ordered, I set out putting my books away. Two hours later I cursed myself for having this many books. I poured myself another glass of wine and started on the last box of my cherished literary works of art.

I was down to the last few when one slipped out of my hand and fell to the floor. When I picked up my tattered, original print copy of Gone With the Wind, something fell out on the floor. I suddenly felt a knot in my stomach and my hands were trembling. I picked up the three pieces of paper that had escaped and when I flipped them over, my heart started racing and I had a vile taste in my mouth.

I collapsed back onto my couch clenching the paper in my hand. I forced myself to flip them over and regretted it the moment I did. Staring back at me were two people I didn't even know anymore; one of whom I had loved and given my heart to completely.
The first picture was of Shawn and I at my graduation from NYU. I had the biggest smile on my face and Shawn was kissing my cheek as I threw my grad cap up in the air.
The second was from the night we got engaged. Our family was behind us in the background and Shawn was on one knee slipping the ring on my finger. Again, I had a huge smile on my face and tears rolling down my cheeks. The last one was from our rehearsal. We were standing in front of St. Patrick's Cathedral; the place I had always dreamed of getting married, and we were just looking at each other and smiling. That was the last time I had a genuine smile on my face. Hours later, my entire world shattered.

That's how I was feeling right now; shattered. Shawn Gallagher had broken me; not just my heart, but me. I had serious doubt that I would ever feel whole again. Against my will, tears started to fall and I realized I never allowed myself to grieve. In a split second I lost the only man I ever loved; the only man I could ever love, as well as my best friend. Worst of all, I lost myself.

The first few weeks were unbearable. Friends and family constantly stopping by and calling to see "how I was holding up." The looks of pity on their faces made me want to leap from the top of the Empire State building. One thing about being raised an O'Connor was I had to be tough. I may have been a girly girl, but I certainly knew how to take care of myself. To that end, I never let anyone see me cry; except Patty. I put on a brave face and tried to show everyone that I was okay; that I would not let what Shawn and Lauren did to me get the best of me. They would not win.
I don't know who I was trying to fool more, them or myself. Patty was the only one who knew how broken I really was.

Now, there was no one here but me. I stared at the people in those pictures and I didn't recognize them anymore. The man in these pictures was certainly not the same man I caught pulling his dick out of my best friend; correction former best friend. And that girl; that poor, clueless, delusionally happy, stupidly naive girl. That girl was...pathetic. She actually believed a man like Shawn Gallagher could love her and give her the happily ever after he promised. Thank god that girl was gone now; stupid girl.

I couldn't stop the flood gates once they opened. With pictures still in hand I went to the kitchen to get another bottle of wine, and on my way back to the couch, turned my ipod on to the playlist that had every sappy, he broke my heart and I'll never recover song ever made and cranked it.

I don't know how much time had gone by; enough for me to finish that bottle of wine; shed over a thousand tears, and start then stop myself from tearing the pictures to shreds. I had past the point of sadness and moved on to anger. I pranced around the condo singing the words to every men are pieces of shit, I hate you you lying, cheating bastard song at the top of my lungs; stopping only briefly to yell obscenities at the image of my former husband to be.

As the song was fading out I heard banging at the door. I stumbled over a few stacks of books left on the floor and opened the door. All I saw was the top of some guy's head who was bent over with his hand out supporting himself with the wall.
"Dude, it's almost one in the morning. Some of us have to get up early. For the love of God turn this shit off!"
When he finally looked up he was surprised at who he saw standing in front of him.
"Oh,um, sorry for...cursing, I just..."
"No, I'm sorry. The real estate agent told me my neighbour didn't live here over the summer. I didn't know anyone else was around. I am so, so sorry."
"No, it's okay; your agent was right. I'm usually not here til September."
"Still, that's no excuse. I will make sure to keep the music down from now on."
"At least you could pick something a little more cheery next time," he said chuckling.
That put me at ease a little and I noticed three things: one- this guy had gorgeous blue eyes; two - he was very tall; and three - his voice was deep and smooth and it reminded me of melted butter sliding over a hot cob of corn.
"I'm Ellery, Ellery O'Connor," I said extending my hand.
"What a different name. I'm Kyle. Kyle Quincey."
We shook hands and I felt an instant sense of...comfort.
"So you're from New York," he said more like a statement than a question.
"Yeah, how'd you know?"
"Your accent kind of gave it away."
"I don't have an accent!"
He laughed. "Maybe not in New York, but you sure do here! So what brings you to the Mile High city?"
I realized we were still standing in the door way.
"Do you want to come in for a bit?" I asked.
"I do but...I really should get home and try and get some sleep."
"Again, I'm sorry."
"It's okay. It was nice meeting you Ellery. If there's anything you need I'm right upstairs okay?"
"Actually...there is something."
"What's that?"
"Can you tell me where I can get a good cup of coffee?"
"I can do better than that. How about I show you? Say 9 am?"
"Yuck. Why so early?"
"9 is not early," he laughed.
"Fine. 9 it is."
"Great, see you then."
"Goodnight Kyle."
"Sweet dreams New York."

I shut the door and locked it and leaned back against it. What the hell just happened here? I looked at the clock and groaned. I don't know, but 9 am isn't that far away!

01: Hard to Breathe

I dropped the last box on the floor and flopped down onto the over sized couch in the middle of the room. My heart was pounding, I felt light-headed, and I was finding it hard to breathe. "Guess I'm going to have to get used to the altitude," I said out loud to no one in particular.
The truth is, I've felt this way for the last six months. Like I was suffocating and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't catch my breath; but for a very different reason.
Six months ago my life; my wonderful, fulfilling, perfect, enviable life came crashing down around me.
Six months ago, to the day I was surrounded by family and friends celebrating at my rehearsal dinner. My closest girlfriends Lauren, Gina, Sarah, Beth and I were huddled in a corner sipping champagne and watching the group of men across the room hoot and holler, banging their fists on the bar encouraging a tall, dark and extremely handsome man to chug his beer. He did, and when he was finished, he slammed the cup on the bar, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and winked one of his crystal clear blue eyes at me. I instantly felt butterflies in my stomach and was finding it hard to breathe.
"I can't believe how lucky you are Elle. Shawn is so amazing, and totally perfect for you," Sarah said while the other girls nodded their heads.
"Not to mention, totally hot," Beth added before covering her mouth with her hand unable to believe she just said that out loud.
"Seriously Elle, you have the perfect life; the career of your dreams, the most amazing family, and you are about to marry the hottest firefighter in New York City! You're going to get married and have a whole clan of perfect babies and the white picket fence. I am so jealous!" added Gina.
"Girls, leave her alone," Lauren warned. "We all know if anyone deserves the fairytale it's Elle. They've been through so much to get here; it's about time they got to have their happy ending."
I smiled and the girls friendly banter. No one had to tell me how lucky I was and the long, hard road I had travelled to get here.


I was the baby, and only girl, in a large, close-knit, Irish-Catholic family. My big brothers Danny, Mark, Matty, and Patrick were all firefighters, as was my father, grandfather, and every single male cousin in my family. You could say it was sort of like a birth right; an expectation of sorts, that if you were born into the O'Connor family, you would automatically become one of New York city's finest. Unless you were a girl; which until me, there hadn't been one in three generations.
My life could have gone in another direction, I could have been the disappointment of the family, shunned by my father and brothers because I didn't have a penis, but thankfully it didn't. I was the apple of my father's eye, truly the definition of daddy's little girl, and my brothers were the typical overprotective kind.
Shawn Gallagher and Patty were rookies in the the firehouse that Danny worked in. From the moment I met him when I was twenty, it was instant chemistry; love at first sight if you believe in that kind of thing, and it was going to be a huge deal to get my brothers and my father to allow me to date him. I think the only saving grace was he was a good Irish-Catholic boy who happened to be a firefighter. Shawn made sure to do everything by the book and brought my dad and brothers together and told them he had feelings for me and asked their permission to date me. That sold them. I'm pretty sure my family started planning our wedding the next day.

We had been together for five years; five very tumultuous years. We all had physically survived September 11, but mentally the boys were destroyed. They had all lost family; brothers, and each of them had to find their own way to deal with it. Shawn closed himself off and began drinking alot. It was hard to watch the man I loved try and destroy himself and us, but I loved him and stood by him no matter what. One day out of the blue he stopped drinking and became his old self. He had been in therapy for two years but this sudden transformation was a little scary. The truth was, I was so desperate to have him back, I pushed my fears aside and welcomed the old Shawn back with open arms. On our seventh anniversary, he took me down to the site where they were building the memorial for those who perished that day. It seemed that every person I knew was there; my family and friends were all there to witness what was about to happen. Shawn took my hands in his and told me how much he loved me; appreciated me standing by him and credited me for his return from the dark side.
"I will never know the kind of love that you have shown me over the last seven years again. You have been with me through the very best and the very worst and your love has never faltered. I am a better man because of you, and I never want to know what it's like to be without you. I love you Ellery O'Connor and in front of all our family and friends, I am asking you to marry me. Shawn was the most amazing man I had ever met and I couldn't imagine my life without him. As he was down on one knee holding the ring out to me, I looked at my father only to see tears in his eyes. I said yes immediately and the wedding plans began and two years later here we were at my rehersal dinner.

"Elley belly," my youngest brother's irritating whine shook me from my thoughts, "Hook me up with one of your hot friends; I'm drunk and horny!"
"That's precisely why I'm NOT going to let you near any of my friends Patty, nice try though."
"C'mon Elly belly, pleeeeeeease?"
"Absolutely not! This is my rehersal dinner and no one is going to be hooking up with any one got it?"
"Yes mame!" he stood at attention and saluted me.
"I need to go find Shawn, have you seen him?"
"Last time I saw him he was headed to the john."
"That is so tacky Patty! Tell me you will show a little more class on my wedding day?"
"I don't get it! How did you get to be so...so...girly when you grew up with us?"
I smiled at my brother and pulled him into a hug.
"I don't know, but thank god one of got some class," I said into his ear.
He squeezed me tight and without letting me go asked, "Are you happy Elly belly?"
"If I were any happier I'd explode!"
"Then go find that lucky son of a bitch you're marrying tomorrow."
"I love you Patty."

My search for my husband to be turned up empty. No one had seen him. I remembered Patty telling me he saw him headed toward the bathroom and decided to check to see if he was there.
As I approached the bathroom door I heard noises coming from inside; carnal noises followed by voices. I turned to leave, not wanting to interrupt when I heard a familiar voice.
"I can't believe you needed to do this here; this is your god damn rehersal dinner! She could walk by the door for christ sakes."
"I don't know why you're so worried about getting caught now Lo, you've been fucking me for the last year and never worried about it."
"Yeah, well she's never been in the next room before! Promise me she'll never find out Shawn, I mean this is it anyways. You guys are getting married tomorrow and then it's over. She can't ever find out about us."
"Too late."
"Oh my God, Elle!" Lauren exclaimed. "This isn't what it looks like," she started, adjusting her dress as she spoke.
"Oh good! Cause it looks like my best friend and maid of honour is in the men's bathroom fucking my fiancee at my rehersal dinner, so thank god it's not what it looks like!" I yelled
"Elle, lets not overreact here," Shawn started coming towards me.
"Don't you fucking touch me!" I yelled backing away from him. "A year! You've been sleeping with my best friend for a year and you tell me not to overreact? You disgust me! You both disgust me!"
I ran from the bathroom and right into the arms of my oldest brother Danny.
"What's wrong Elly?"
"I need to go home," I said through the tears. "The wedding is off. I need you to take me home. Please Danny!" I sobbed.

I stayed in New York another six months, but only to finish off the school year. I couldn't leave my students part way through the year. As soon as school was out, I was packing up and ready to move.
My family tried desperately to talk me out of leaving. "No O'Connor has ever left New York Ellery," my father tried, "You can't just up and leave your family."
"I can't stay here Daddy. Everything reminds me of him and I feel like I'm suffocating."
"Your brothers have taken care of that piece of trash. He won't ever bother you again."
"It's not that. I just can't stay in this city. Daddy I have to do this, I have to go."
"But why so far away? Denver? That is so random, it makes mo sense. It's not like we have any ties out there. What's in Denver for you?"
"My job for starters. They have amazing schools and I got a great job waiting for me. Not having any ties is kind of the point. I don't want to be anywhere that people might know me or what happened. It's the chance to start fresh. I can be anyone I want to be out there, besides, you know I've always wanted to see the rocky mountains."
"There's no talking you out of this is there?"
"No Daddy, I'm sorry," I said wrapping him in a hug. "I'll miss you so much."
The tears started to flow freely now, leaving my family was tearing me apart.
"If you need anything, call and we will be on the next plane."
"I know you will Daddy, but it's time to let your little girl go."
"Never."
He kissed my cheek and I gave everyone one last hug before boarding the plane; my family watching helplessly as I left to embark on a new life; a life without Shawn.

The ringing of my cell phone brought me back from my memories.
"Hello?"
"Hey Elly belly, how are the mountains?"
I turned around to look out my floor to ceiling window that gave me a breathtaking view of the rocky mountains.
"Patty, they're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and I get to wake up to them every day."
"Are you all moved in?"
"Just got the last of the boxes up, now I just have to unpack."
"Ellery?"
Patty never used my full name unless he was trying to be serious.
"What's wrong?" I asked a little panic stricken.
"I miss you so much it hurts," he whispered.
"I haven't even been gone twenty-four hours yet."
"I know, but losing you is like losing one of my limbs. How am I going to learn to cope without you?"
"You just will. I may not be there with you, but it's not like we're not going to talk every day. Please try and be happy for me Patty; I really need this."
"I will never forgive him for driving you away from here," he said softly.
"It's time to close that chapter Patty. He's not worth the effort it takes to hate him. He made a fool out of me and if I had stayed, I would never escape those looks of pity from everyone. This is a fresh start for me; a place where nobody knows what happened. This is what I need to do. You understand that right?"
"Yeah, I understand, but that doesn't mean I have to like it."
"Just try and be happy for me okay? I gotta go, I have ton of stuff to unpack. I love you Patty."
"I love you too Elly belly."

I hung up the phone and flopped back down on the couch.
'This is it girl,' I thought to myself. 'This is the beginning of the rest of your life!"